BITTERSWEET

Yes, I’m back. You probably are wondering what took me so long to write a new blog entry. Have I run out of stories to share? Definitely not. In fact, I have a bunch of stories to tell. Is my internet connection cut? Of course not. Computers with internet access are ubiquitous here, remember? Now, I know you’re starting to get pissed so I’ll now give you the answer before you start cursing me to death and closing the screen of this page.

The truth is, I was extremely busy for the past few days. Classes are very demanding. Can you imagine writing three essays and two critical analyses in a week? And did I mention about classroom presentations along with these writing assignments? Grabe. The reading assignments are driving me crazy too. One whole book in one week? How about that? Nah, I was at the point of giving up. Is this what it takes to be a Juan de la Cruz student in Uncle Sam’s school? And yes, please be reminded that I’m merely taking up PRE-University classes. What could the real university classes look like? I don’t want to imagine. Sigh. The pressure is on.

Anyway, so what am I going to write? Well, I have been here for three weeks already, and I am gradually adapting (that’s good news). You have read about funny recounts of my adventures here. However, my life here is not just about excitement, joy and adventure. Not a bed of roses at all. Whenever I'm outside with some friends--shopping, visiting the infamous Yellowstone National Park or merely going to school--I have no worries. I'm happy and seem to be living my life to the fullest. However, when I'm alone in my room, it's totally a different story. Sadness engulfs the room and drives me insanely lonely. It's hard. Believe me when I say it's BITTERSWEET. My pillow will probably do a good recounting of my tearful nights. A huge part of me still longs for Philippines-Marawi-MSU-CNSM-Coffee Rep-FD- ComCen. Oh, did I just say I miss home?

I miss my mamang and her piyaren a badak.

I miss my papang. He's silent, but very deep. I know he loves me so much.

I miss Bentong. I miss sending him to school. I miss helping him with his assignments. His ABCs and 123s.

I miss Ai-ai, our youngest. I miss the way she kisses me everytime I leave for school. I miss the way she says, "Kuya Atoy, pasalubong owm? Dunkin donuts." Mister Donuts actually. We're in Marawi. You know that.

I miss my brother Popong--his skateboard, his CPC assignments, and his "punky music".

I miss my sister Rasheda. That very diligent girl who insists she's going to follow my footstep. I always tell her she doesn't have to. She can make her own way and leave her own marks.

I miss my Ate. Her favorite song "Because of You" is always played in my dormitory. Urgh, it never helps me.

I miss my cousins Dadang, Julius and Manong Ken-Ken. They're a big part of me.

I miss Aye and her "kakikayan". I miss her sermon(s). I miss her brilliant ideas that continue to stun me. I miss her frankness, if there's such a word.

I miss my BAPAs--Amad, Ced and Ben. Paramdam naman kayo sa akin.

I miss my ACCESS Family. I miss eating lunch with them. Tickee and Mahid have been very close to me already. Goldy, Shiro, Ice, Nash, Farrell, Jam and Reyfi--you are always remembered.

I miss the whole bunch of Ranao Council Student Assembly.

I miss DEBATING. I miss the SSH Lobby where we practice. I miss the Debate Varsity.

I miss MSU-Scholars' Society.

I miss Adnan, Jen, Vida, Aira. Hahai. Ang dami nila.

For those who are not written and mentioned here, you are much more remembered.

Above all, I miss my DH and FSK. I love both of you.

Indeed, everything comes with a price. This wonderful experience and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, unfortunately, is not an exception. However, it's a matter of how one deals with the challenges and pressure of life. As for me? I use them to motivate me in moving forward. Strong waves make better sailors, they say. And here I am, driving a small awang amidst a huge ocean. Will I make it? My optimism, courage and perseverance tell me I WILL!

I am going melodramatic again. Enough for now. I have a big classroom presentation tomorrow. Wish me luck.

More to come.